How to throw A ‘Project X’ –Style Christmas House Party in Naija...

How to throw A ‘Project X’ –Style Christmas House Party in Naija without Getting Into trouble

Its early December and already the harmatttan is destroying once succulent lips, Christmas bells are Ringing,  and Igbo folks are preparing to travel to their village to blow some hard earned dough.

The best part of the Holidays especially for us city dwellers is no doubt the series of Random parties that spring up around this season. Unless you were trapped in a South American drilling mine all year long, you probably saw the movie, Project X; a film about  a hugely successful birthday party that, to put it mildly- Got ‘out of hand’.

Just in case you’ve been pondering ideas for your next Christmas bash, here is i2sabi’s tops to throwing a Project-X style party, without ruining a house, wrecking a very expensive car, torching down your neighbourhood and hopefully not getting arrested. BTW if you haven’t seen the movie, now would be a good time.

TIP NO. 1:   

MUST HAVES:  A large venue and a very Gingered Hype man.

 

The venue should preferably be a big house with enough space to accommodate as many guests as possible.   Most important is a Hype man, a friend who has the balls to do something clueless and stupid without thinking it through. Life is no fun without these kinds of people, they drive adventure.

 

TIP NO. 2:

Record the Party.

Its the digital age people! Everything from your Dog pooping on the carpet to your Cousin’s Cousin’s brother’s traditional marriage ends up on some device or even on YouTube. So why not record every bit of your party and create some memories that will make people run to your next event.

 To do this however, you’ll need a very anti-social, dry camera man who isn’t interested in or won’t get distracted by beautiful drunk chicks, and loud music and alcoholic beverages and who’ll probably remain a virgin till he is 40 years old. This one go hard to find for Naija sha!

TIP NO. 3

Mass Marketing baby!!

Invite everybody on Twitter, Facebook, the neighbourhood, (especially Hot chics!!!!) the back aisles in church etc! The more people come, the crazier the party can get. Be careful sha, you don’t want a ‘Sausage’ Fest on your hands.

TIP NO. 4:

Keep it legal. No drugs

Pissed Off Dealer

Unless you plan to get arrested or worse have your drug dealer torch down your hood with a flame thrower, don’t buy any and don’t steal any either. Things generally tend to get insane and end badly when drugs are involved, not to mention its illegal and morally wrong.

 

TIP NO.5

Get Some Bouncers.

Lame Security that can’t even protect themselves!

If you are throwing a big party in someone’s home you probably want to keep things under control, so you’ll need some form of Law and order. They don’t have to be pros that look like WWE stars, your abnormally big bodied buddies will suffice. If you hire skinny pushovers, they’ll be pushed over.

Tough Guy!

 

TIP NO. 6:

Get Drinks ….lots of them.

This possibly the most crucial part of any house party!! BOOZE!!! Once the shekpe is in the system we can all get loose and blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning.

The best part about private parties is that people don’t have to worry about buying drinks and you don’t have to wreck your bank account buying drinks at prices sold in clubs.

You could also tell Guests to come with their own bottles of drinks and make a cocktail. Better to have too much than not enough.

You now the best part ? Drinking Games! This should definitely make things a lil’ more interesting

 

 

TIP NO. 7:

Good Music!

Obviously you need good music, thanks to technology; you don’t need to have fancy DJ equipment. Basic needs are, Ipod or laptop with great songs on it and a deck with loud speakers.

TIP NO. 8:

Lock up the restricted Parts of the House

Bad guys dey everywhere. From gisting with girl to Setting P, the freaks are everywhere looking for the slightest opportunity to get down and dirty. Unless you want babies to be conceived in your Kitchen or worse still; the House Chapel, LOCK Up!

Oya o! Party don set!

 

BONUS TIP:

Don’t invite any angry midgets! They are small, mean and punch people in the balls. But if for some reason, one happens to make an appearance don’t let anyone lock him up in the oven –For some reason this drives em crazy and could make him drive your car into the pool. If this happens I advise him back in the Oven and turn it on.  chikena!

 

 

Please feel free to comment and add your own tips. Thanks

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