10 Characteristics of the Perfect Spouse

The Perfect spouse understands the Importance of not starting conversations during a Manchester United Match about; her weight, her back-stabbing friends, or how much spice to put in the Indomie noodles.
Understands that everyman has a special place in his head called ‘the nothing zone’. The nothing zone is that our mind is at when she asks; “baby what’s wrong, ANS: Nothing!” Or “What are you thinking about” “why are you so quiet today” The answer is usually nothing. It just means our mind is preoccupied with some of the more vain and unreliable realities of a man’s life; New car, More money, House rent, etc.
Understands a man’s sexual urge is akin to a baby’s urge to suck Boobies. We simply cannot conform to a time schedule.
Knows that when there is a sporting event, we have to always be on the same team. It doesn’t matter if your family has supported the opposing team for 10 generations, No snitching!!
Is a ‘missionary’ who is not afraid to ‘ride horse’ and will let me ‘teach her how to the doggy’ *wink*
Doesn’t make light of touchy and sensitive subjects like your receding hairline, your wayward waistline etc
Blessed is she who can cook a mean Egusi soup. She shall inherit her man’s heart
Is small enough to cuddle but big enough to squeeze.
Knows which of her friends I like, the ones I find entertaining and the ones that are downright annoying and displeasing to the eyes and thus makes concentrated efforts to make sure our paths rarely cross.
Knows I would take a bullet for her, so she does everything in her power to avoid such a situation.